I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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