I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize