I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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