why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize