so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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