I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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