Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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