It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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