Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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