So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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