I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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