I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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