life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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