and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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