so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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