Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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