did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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