I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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