you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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