Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize