There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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