i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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