Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize