I'm sorry my penis didn't work
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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