There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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