she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think a kid would responsible me up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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