Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize