If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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