so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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