i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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