I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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