My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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