watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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