Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize