Got a toothbrush?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize