From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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