seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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