he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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