I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize