So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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