By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She bit a glass in half.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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