You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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