So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize