So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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