The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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