Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize