i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize