Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize