his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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