My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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